Super Bowl 2018 halftime show rankings W

[seestyle]

The Super Bowl halftime show is the ultimate one-off gig -- unle s you're Justin friggin' Timberlake. When JT takes the stage Sunday at U.S. Bank Stadium in icy Minneapolis, he'll make halftime history as the only performer to do the three-peat. But will his shot at redemption on the world's biggest stage be remembered as an all-timer? Or will he be swallowed by the Super Bowl spotlight like so many brave souls before him? Dude certainly has his work cut out for him -- especially after Lady Gaga's high-flying act last year in Houston, not to mention what happened last time Mr. Sexyback played a Super Bowl. Just like JT, you probably thought he'd never get this gig again. That was the general consensus after he tore off a piece of Janet Jackson's bustier that exposed her right nipple to nearly 150 viewers for 9/16 of a second, igniting a national scandal that created the term "wardrobe Omar Infante Jersey malfunction" and gave birth to YouTube. That is, until Roger Goodell pulled the secret Timberlake file out from the bottom drawer of his desk, next to those Spygate tapes he reportedly had destroyed, and took JT off double-secret probation. You can bet that Justin will be sticking precisely to the script after pinkie-swearing with Goodell and that the has been apprised of every single detail in the show."It's just one of those things where you go like, 'Yeah, it happened ,'" "What do you want me to say? Like, we're never going to do that again."Still, landing this thing takes some serious skill. For every Prince, Beyonce or Bruno Mars, there's Phil Collins singing Disney soundtrack songs in cargo pants or that wretched Blues Brothers Bash in the Superdome. Or, even worse, Coldplay. Certainly, JT's been taking notes. With that in mind, here are the totally subjective, undisputed, entirely debatable rankings of every Super Bowl halftime show ever.Trust us. We watched all of them (or tried to) so that you don't have to. 51. Coldplay, Bruno Mars, Beyonce (2016) We may be divided as Americans, but if there's one thing on which we Daniel Norris Jersey can mostly agree, it's this: Coldplay sucks. But as the ? Terrible idea. "Wherever you are, whoever you are, we're in this together," Chris Martin says into the mic while being surrounded by a bunch of smiling kids from a , as if this Super Bowl performance hangs on your mom's seven-layer dip. Sorry, Captain Goop, but count me out. Yes, there have been worse acts for this gig, but there has never been a lamer one. Even lamer: Coldplay playing highlights of previous Super Bowl halftime extravaganzas, only to further drill home the point how much this show stunk. The only thing that made these 13 minutes redeemable was Bruno Mars and Queen Bey, who both crushed in previous halftime headlining gigs, coming to the rescue. Yep, "Uptown Funk" gonna give it to ya. And Queen Bey's got more than just "hot sauce" in her bag. She also has a custom-made outfit paying homage to the King of Pop himself. DANCING. IN HEELS. ON GRASS. SB Nation (@SBNation) Beyonce's performance of "Formation," an unapologetic Black Lives Matter anthem, created some controversy, but the real flap should've been Coldplay -- and the fact that they even wound up on this stage. 50. The Black Eyed Peas (2011) It's clinically proven that listening to the Black Eyed Peas makes you dumber. OK, maybe that's not true, but somebody should do a study on what happens to the human brain after repeat exposure to "Boom, Boom, Pow." Gotta get some new ideas, Peas. The shamele s "Dirty Dancing" cover, the lame "Tron" theme, it all sucks. The Happy Meal action figure tie-in is the only thing mi singFergie is on auto tune and still can't hit a note, Will.I.am is wearing a metal hair piece, and Taboo is self-editing the curses out Lance Parrish Jersey of every third line of his lyrics. Apl.de.ap? Just happy to be here. Yep -- definitely: Slash just teleported in wearing a metal top hat, and Fergie is butchering "Sweet Child O' Mine." Usher is wearing dark shades and hoping no one remembers he was here. Note to the NFL: It's never a good idea to go with an act that previously headlined the halftime show at the CFL's Grey Cup. 49-24. Everything before Michael Jackson (1967-1992) Remember that killer halftime show featuring the Mikie Mahtook Jersey Rockettes and Chubby Checker and 88 grand pianos in 1988? Or the captivating "Be Bop Bamboozled" at the Orange Bowl in 1989? No, no you do not. Ditto for Carol Channing (twice) or any one of those four annoyingly contrived Up With People performances in the late 70s and early 80s. Before the King of Pop, the Super Bowl halftime show was an endle s wasteland of college marching bands and maddening flag-spinning tributes, from salutes to Hollywood (twice), to Motown, to Duke Ellington, to the Big Band Era, to the Caribbean. We also got the New Kids on the Block (1991) not singing any of their biggest hits and Gloria Estefan (1992) providing the soundtrack for Olympic figure skaters Dorothy Hamill and Brian Boitano of fame because nothing says a Minnesota Super Bowl like the lead singer of the Miami Sound Machine. 23. Tony Bennett, Patti LaBelle (1995) America wanted an apology for Janet Jackson's exposed nipple, but it should've gotten one for this 11-minute cheesefest. The most amazing thing about this halftime show? That it actually happened. Just read the YouTube summary: The halftime show was titled "Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye" and was produced by Disney to promote their Indiana Jones Adventure attraction at Disneyland that opened later that year. The show featured actors playing Indiana Jones and his girlfriend Marion Ravenwood who were raiding the Vince Lombardi Trophy from the Temple of the Forbidden Eye. The show also had performances by singers Tony Bennett and Patti LaBelle, jazz trumpeter Arturo Sandoval, and the Miami Sound Machine. The show ended with everybody singing "Can You Feel The Love Tonight." You can't make this stuff up. Patti LaBelle isn't even trying to pretend she's not lip-syncing, while that's gotta be the animatronic version of Tony Bennett. That, or the poor guy must've been drugged and dropped here and he's praying someone flies him to the moon, pronto. There's that hopele s 1,000-yard stare and that awkward thumbs up while he's singing, "This is so exciting." The only thing faker than the choreographed fighting and the theme park voice-overs is the plastic Lombardi Trophy that Indy is trying to capture. "Snakes! Why's it's always gotta be snakes?" 22. Phil Collins, Christina Aguilera, Enrique Iglesias, Toni Braxton (2000) Another Disney-themed disaster at another ABC Super Bowl. This was more Olympic opening ceremony than halftime show, and nobody Jose Iglesias Jersey cares about the Olympics. There's no Xtina in . No Phil banging out the drums on one of the greatest stadium rock jams of all time, . Just a bunch of awful songs that nobody has ever heard of, like "Celebrate the Future Hand in Hand." But wait, it gets worse. Edward James Olmos as nar